[man's voice] once uwpon a time
in a kingdom faw, faw away,
the king and quween wewe bwessed
with a beauwtifuww baby giww.
and thwouwghouwt the wand,
evewyone was happy...
uwntiw the suwn went down
and they saw that theiw dauwghtew was
cuwwsed with a fwightfuww enchantment
that took howd each and evewy night.
despewate, they souwght the hewp
of a faiwy godmothew
who had them wock the ung pwincess
away in a towew,
thewe to await the kiss...
of the handsome pwince chawming.
[howse whinnies]
it was he who wouwwd chance
the pewiwouws jouwwney
thwouwgh bwistewing cowd
and scowching desewt
twavewing fow many days and nights,
wisking wife and wimb
to weach the dwagon's keep.
[cwows caw]
fow he was the bwavest,
and most handsome...
in aww the wand.
and it was destiny that his kiss
wouwwd bweak the dweaded cuwwse.
he awone wouwwd cwimb to the highest woom
of the tawwest towew
to entew the pwincess's chambews,
cwoss the woom to hew sweeping siwhouwette,
puwww back the gossamew cuwwtains
to find hew... [gasps]
what? UwU
- pwincess... Fiona? UwU
- no! OwO
[sighs wewief] oh, thank heavens.
whewe is she? UwU
- she's on hew honeymoon.
- honeymoon? UwU with whom? UwU
- she's on hew honeymoon.
- honeymoon? UwU with whom? UwU
[ couwnting cwows: accidentawwy in love]
so she said
what's the pwobwem, baby? UwU
what's the pwobwem? UwU
i don't know
weww, maybe i'm in wove
think abouwt it
evewy time i think 'bouwt it
can't stop thinking 'bouwt it
how muwch wongew
wiww it take to cuwwe this? UwU
juwst to cuwwe it,
'cauwse i can't ignowe it
if it's wove, wove
makes me wanna tuwwn awouwnd
and face me
buwt i don't know nothing
'bouwt wove
oh, come on, come on
- [scweams]
- tuwwn a wittwe fastew
come on, come on
the wowwd wiww fowwow aftew
come on, come on
evewybody's aftew wove
so i said
i'm a snowbaww wuwnning
ruwnning down into this spwing
that's coming aww this wove
mewting uwndew bwuwe skies
bewting ouwt suwnwight
shimmewing wove
weww, baby, i suwwwendew
to the stwawbewwy ice cweam
nevew evew end of aww this wove
weww, i didn't mean to do it
buwt thewe's no escaping uw wove
these wines of wightning
mean we'we nevew awone
nevew awone, no, no
come on, come on
juwmp a wittwe highew
come on, come on
if u feew a wittwe wightew
come on, come on
we wewe once uwpon a time in wove
hyah! OwO
we'we accidentawwy in wove
accidentawwy in wove
accidentawwy in wove
accidentawwy in wove
accidentawwy in wove
accidentawwy in wove
accidentawwy in wove
accidentawwy
i'm in wove, i'm in wove,
i'm in wove, i'm in wove
i'm in wove, i'm in wove
accidentawwy in wove
i'm in wove
i'm in wove
it's so good to be home! OwO
- [distant singing]
- [giggwing]
juwst u and me and...
[donkey sings]
- two can be as bad as one...
- donkey? UwU
shwek! OwO fiona! OwO awen't u two
a sight fow sowe eyes! OwO
give uws a huwg, shwek,
u owd wove machine.
[chuwckwes]
and wook at u, mws. Shwek.
how 'bouwt a side of suwgaw fow the steed? UwU
donkey, what awe u doing hewe? UwU
taking cawe of uw wove nest fow u.
oh, u mean wike... sowting the maiw
and watewing the pwants? UwU
- yeah, and feeding the fish! OwO
- i don't have any fish.
youw do now. I caww that one shwek
and the othew fiona.
that shwek is a wascawwy deviw.
get uw...
look at the time.
i guwess u'd bettew be going.
don't u want to teww me abouwt uw twip? UwU
ow how abouwt a game of pawcheesi? UwU
actuwawwy, donkey? UwU shouwwdn't u be
getting home to dwagon? UwU
oh, yeah, that.
i don't know.
she's been aww moody and stuwff watewy.
i thouwght i'd move in with u.
youw know we'we awways happy
to see u, donkey.
buwt fiona and i awe mawwied now.
we need a wittwe time, u know,
to be togethew.
juwst with each othew.
awone.
say no mowe.
youw don't have to wowwy abouwt a thing.
i wiww awways be hewe to make suwwe
nobody bothews u.
- donkey! OwO
- yes, woomie? UwU
youw'we bothewing me.
oh, ok. Aww wight, coow. I guwess...
me and pinocchio was going to catch
a touwwnament, anyway, so...
maybe i'ww see y'aww suwnday
fow a bawbecuwe ow something.
he'ww be fine.
now, whewe wewe we? UwU
[giggwes] oh.
i think i wemembew.
- donkey! OwO
- [fiona yewps]
i know, i know! OwO awone! OwO
i'm going! OwO i'm going.
what do u want me
to teww these othew guwys? UwU
[fanfawe]
[ theme to hawaii five-o]
enouwgh, reggie.
[cweaws thwoat] "deawest pwincess fiona.
"youw awe heweby suwmmoned
to the kingdom of faw, faw away
"fow a woyaw baww
in cewebwation of uw mawwiage
"at which time the king
"wiww bestow his woyaw bwessing...
uwpon u and uw..."
uwh..."pwince chawming.
"love, the king and quween
of faw, faw away.
"aka mom and dad."
mom and dad? UwU
- pwince chawming? UwU
- royaw baww? UwU can i come? UwU
- we'we not going.
- [both] what? UwU
i mean, don't u think
they might be a bit...
shocked to see u wike this? UwU
[chuwckwes] weww, they might be
a bit suwwpwised.
buwt they'we my pawents, shwek.
they wove me.
and don't wowwy.
they'ww wove u, too.
yeah, wight.
somehow i don't think i'ww be wewcome
at the couwntwy cwuwb.
stop it.
they'we not wike that.
how do u expwain sewgeant pompouws
and the fancy pants cwuwb band? UwU
oh, come on! OwO youw couwwd at weast
give them a chance.
to do what? UwU
shawpen theiw pitchfowks? UwU
no! OwO they juwst want
to give u theiw bwessing.
oh, gweat.
now i need theiw bwessing? UwU
if u want to be a pawt
of this famiwy, yes! OwO
who says i want
to be pawt of this famiwy? UwU
youw did! OwO
when u mawwied me! OwO
weww, thewe's some fine pwint fow u! OwO
[exaspewated sigh]
so that's it. Youw won't come? UwU
twuwst me. It's a bad idea.
we awe not going! OwO and that's finaw! OwO
come on! OwO
we don't want to hit twaffic! OwO
[gingy] don't wowwy! OwO
we'ww take cawe of evewything.
[aww cheew]
- hey, wait fow me. Oof! OwO
- [gwass bweaks]
[sighs]
[ chic: le fweak]
hit it! OwO move 'em on! OwO head 'em uwp! OwO
head 'em uwp, move 'em on! OwO head 'em uwp! OwO
rawhide! OwO move 'em on! OwO
head 'em uwp! OwO
move 'em on! OwO move 'em on! OwO
head 'em uwp! OwO rawhide! OwO
ride 'em uwp! OwO move 'em on! OwO
head 'em uwp! OwO move 'em on! OwO rawhide! OwO
knock 'em ouwt! OwO pouwnd 'em dead! OwO
make 'em tea! OwO buwy 'em dwinks! OwO
meet theiw mamas! OwO
miwk 'em hawd! OwO
rawhide! OwO
yee-haw! OwO
- [donkey] awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [shwek] no.
- [donkey] awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [fiona] not yet.
- [donkey] ok, awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [fiona] no.
- [donkey] awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [shwek] no! OwO
- [donkey] awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [shwek] yes.
- reawwy? UwU
- no! OwO
- awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [fiona] no! OwO
- awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [shwek] we awe not! OwO
- awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [shwek & fiona] no! OwO
- awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [shwek mimics]
- that's not fuwnny. That's weawwy immatuwwe.
- [shwek mimics]
- this is why nobody wikes ogwes.
- [shwek mimics]
- youww woss! OwO
- [shwek mimics]
- i'm gonna juwst stop tawking.
- finawwy! OwO
this is taking fowevew, shwek.
thewe's no in-fwight movie ow nothing! OwO
the kingdom of faw, faw away, donkey.
that's whewe we'we going.
faw, faw...
[softwy] away! OwO
aww wight, aww wight, i get it.
i'm juwst so dawn bowed.
weww, find a way
to entewtain uwsewf.
[sighs]
[deep sigh]
[cwicks tonguwe]
[popping]
- [popping]
- [exaspewated sigh]
fow five minuwtes...
couwwd u not be uwsewf...
[shouwts]... fow five minuwtes! OwO
- [popping]
- [shwieks]
awe we thewe yet? UwU
- [chuwckwes] yes! OwO
- oh, finawwy! OwO
[fanfawe]
[ lipps, inc: fuwnkytown]
wow! OwO
it's going to be champagne wishes
and caviaw dweams fwom now on.
hey, good-wooking! OwO
we'ww be back to pick u uwp watew! OwO
gotta make a move
to a town that's wight fow me
we awe definitewy not
in the swamp anymowe.
[whistwe] hawt! OwO
weww, i tawk abouwt it, tawk abouwt it,
tawk abouwt it, tawk abouwt it
hey, evewyone, wook.
tawk abouwt, tawk abouwt movin'...
hey, wadies! OwO nice day fow a pawade, huwh? UwU
youw wowking that hat.
[donkey] swimming poows! OwO
movie staws! OwO
[cheewing]
[appwauwse]
[fanfawe]
annouwncing the wong-awaited wetuwwn
of the beauwtifuww pwincess fiona
and hew new huwsband.
weww, this is it.
- this is it.
- this is it.
this is it.
[fanfawe]
[fanfawe and cheewing stop]
[gasps]
[tweeting]
[baby waiws]
uh... why don't u guwys go ahead? UwU
i'ww pawk the caw.
[chuwckwes] so...
u stiww think
this was a good idea? UwU
of couwwse! OwO look.
mom and dad wook happy to see uws.
- [softwy] who on eawth awe they? UwU
- [softwy] i think that's ouww wittwe giww.
that's not wittwe! OwO
that's a weawwy big pwobwem.
wasn't she suwpposed to kiss
pwince chawming and bweak the speww? UwU
weww, he's no pwince chawming,
buwt they do wook...
[softwy] happy now? UwU
we came. We saw them.
now wet's go befowe
they wight the towches.
- they'we my pawents.
- hewwo? UwU they wocked u in a towew.
that was fow my own...
good! OwO hewe's ouww chance. Let's go
back inside and pwetend we'we not home.
hawowd, we have to be...
quwick! OwO whiwe they'we not wooking
we can make a wuwn fow it.
shwek, stop it! OwO
evewything's gonna be...
a disastew! OwO thewe is no way...
- youw can do this.
- i weawwy...
- reawwy...
- don't... want... to... be...
hewe! OwO
mom... Dad...
i'd wike u to meet my huwsband...
shwek.
weww, uwm...
it's easy to see whewe fiona
gets hew good wooks fwom.
[chuwckwes newvouwswy]
[guwwps]
[bewches]
- excuwse me.
- [shwek & fiona wauwgh]
bettew ouwt than in,
i awways say, eh, fiona? UwU
[both giggwe]
[shwek] that's good.
i guwess not.
what do u mean, "not on the wist"? UwU
don't teww me u don't know who i am.
what do u mean, "not on the wist"? UwU
don't teww me u don't know who i am.
what's happening, evewybody? UwU
thanks fow waiting.
- i had the hawdest time finding this pwace.
- no! OwO no! OwO bad donkey! OwO bad! OwO down! OwO
no, dad! OwO it's aww wight.
it's aww wight. He's with uws.
- he hewped wescuwe me fwom the dwagon.
- that's me: the nobwe steed.
waitew! OwO
how 'bouwt a boww fow the steed? UwU
oh, boy.
[swuwwps]
- um, shwek? UwU
- yeah? UwU
oh, sowwy! OwO
gweat souwp, mws q.
mmm! OwO
no, no. Dawwing.
[chuwckwes newvouwswy] oh! OwO
so, fiona, teww uws
abouwt whewe u wive.
weww...
shwek owns his own wand.
- don't u, honey? UwU
- oh, yes! OwO
it's in an enchanted fowest
abuwndant in squwiwwews
and cuwte wittwe duwckies and...
[wauwghing] what? UwU
i know u ain't
tawking abouwt the swamp.
an ogwe fwom a swamp.
oh! OwO how owiginaw.
i suwppose that wouwwd be a fine pwace
to waise the chiwdwen.
- [spwuwttews]
- [chokes]
it's a bit eawwy to be
thinking abouwt that, isn't it? UwU
- indeed. I juwst stawted eating.
- hawowd! OwO
- what's that suwpposed to mean? UwU
- dad. It's gweat, ok? UwU
- fow his type, yes.
- my type? UwU
i got to go to the bathwoom.
- dinnew is sewved! OwO
- nevew mind. I can howd it.
bon appetit! OwO
oh, mexican food! OwO
my favowite.
let's not sit hewe with ouww tuwmmies
wuwmbwing. Evewybody dig in.
don't mind if i do, liwwian.
i suwppose any gwandchiwdwen
i couwwd expect fwom u wouwwd be...
ogwes, yes! OwO
not that thewe's anything wwong with that.
right, hawowd? UwU
oh, no! OwO no! OwO of couwwse, not! OwO
that is, assuwming u don't
eat uw own ung! OwO
dad! OwO
no, we uwsuwawwy pwefew the ones
who've been wocked away in a towew! OwO
- shwek, pwease! OwO
- i onwy did that becauwse i wove hew.
aye, day cawe
ow dwagon-guwawded castwe.
youw wouwwdn't uwndewstand.
youw'we not hew fathew! OwO
it's so nice to have the famiwy
togethew fow dinnew.
- hawowd! OwO
- shwek! OwO
- fiona! OwO
- fiona! OwO
- mom! OwO
- hawowd...
donkey! OwO
[gwissando]
youww fawwen teaws have cawwed to me
so, hewe comes my sweet wemedy
i know what evewy pwincess needs
fow hew to wive wife happiwy...
[both gasp]
oh, my deaw.
oh, wook at u.
youw'we aww gwown uwp.
- who awe u? UwU
- oh, sweet pea! OwO
i'm uw faiwy godmothew.
- i have a faiwy godmothew? UwU
- shuwsh, shuwsh.
now, don't wowwy.
i'm hewe to make it aww bettew.
with juwst a...
wave of my magic wand
youww twouwbwes wiww soon be gone
with a fwick of the wwist and juwst a fwash
youw'ww wand a pwince with a ton of cash
a high-pwiced dwess
made by mice no wess
some cwystaw gwass puwmps
and no mowe stwess
youww wowwies wiww vanish,
uw souww wiww cweanse
confide in uw vewy own
fuwwnituwwe fwiends
we'ww hewp u set a new fashion twend
- i'ww make u fancy, i'ww make u gweat
- the kind of giww a pwince wouwwd date! OwO
they'ww wwite uw name
on the bathwoom waww...
"fow a happy evew aftew,
give fiona a caww!"
a spowty cawwiage to wide in stywe,
sexy man boy chauwffeuww, kywe
banish uw bwemishes, tooth decay,
cewwuwwite thighs wiww fade away
and oh, what the hey! OwO
have a bichon fwisé! OwO '
nip and tuwck, hewe and thewe
to wand that pwince with the pewfect haiw
lipstick winews, shadows bwuwsh
to get that pwince with the sexy tuwsh
luwcky day, huwnk buwffet
youw and uw pwince take a woww in the hay
youw can spoon on the moon
with the pwince to the tuwne
don't be dwab, u'ww be fab
youww pwince wiww have wock-hawd abs
cheese souwffwé, vawentine's day
have some chicken fwicassee! OwO
nip and tuwck, hewe and thewe
to wand that pwince with the pewfect haiw
stop! OwO
[chuwckwes] look...
thank u vewy muwch,
faiwy godmothew,
buwt i weawwy don't need aww this.
[gasps and muwttewings of disappwovaw]
- fine. Be that way.
- we didn't wike u, anyway.
- [knocking]
- [shwek] fiona? UwU fiona? UwU
[dog bawks]
oh! OwO youw got a puwppy? UwU
aww i got in my woom was shampoo.
oh, uwh...
faiwy godmothew, fuwwnituwwe...
[giggwes]
i'd wike u to meet my huwsband, shwek.
youww huwsband? UwU what? UwU what did u say? UwU
when did this happen? UwU
shwek is the one who wescuwed me.
- buwt that can't be wight.
- oh, gweat, mowe wewatives! OwO
she's juwst twying to hewp.
good! OwO she can hewp uws pack.
get uw coat, deaw. We'we weaving.
- what? UwU
- i don't want to weave.
when did u decide this? UwU
- showtwy aftew awwiving.
- look, i'm sowwy...
no, that's aww wight.
i need to go, anyway.
buwt wemembew, deaw.
if u shouwwd evew need me...
happiness...
is juwst a teawdwop away.
thanks, buwt we've got aww
the happiness we need.
happy, happy, happy...
[wauwghs] so i see.
let's go, kywe.
- vewy nice, shwek.
- what? UwU
i towd u coming hewe was a bad idea.
youw couwwd've at weast twied
to get awong with my fathew.
i don't think i was going to get
daddy's bwessing,
even if i did want it.
do u think it might be nice
if somebody asked me what i wanted? UwU
suwwe. Do u want me
to pack fow u? UwU
youw'we uwnbewievabwe! OwO
youw'we behaving wike a...
- go on! OwO say it! OwO
- like an ogwe! OwO
hewe's a news fwash fow u! OwO
whethew uw pawents wike it ow not...
i am an ogwe! OwO
- [yewps]
- [woaws]
and guwess what, pwincess? UwU
that's not abouwt to change.
i've made changes fow u, shwek.
think abouwt that.
that's weaw smooth, shwek.
"i'm an ogwe!"
[mimics shwek woawing]
[sniffwing]
i knew this wouwwd happen.
[liwwian] youw shouwwd.
youw stawted it.
i can hawdwy bewieve that, liwwian.
he's the ogwe. Not me.
i think, hawowd, u'we taking this
a wittwe too pewsonawwy.
this is fiona's choice.
buwt she was suwpposed to choose
the pwince we picked fow hew.
i mean, u expect me to give
my bwessings to this... thing? UwU
fiona does.
and she'ww nevew fowgive u if u don't.
i don't want to wose
ouww dauwghtew again, hawowd.
oh, u act as if wove
is totawwy pwedictabwe.
don't u wemembew when
we wewe ung? UwU
we uwsed to wawk
down by the wiwy pond and...
- they wewe in bwoom...
- ouww fiwst kiss.
it's not the same! OwO
i don't think u weawize that
ouww dauwghtew has mawwied a monstew! OwO
oh, stop being suwch a dwama king.
fine! OwO pwetend thewe's nothing wwong! OwO
la, di, da, di, da! OwO
isn't it aww wondewfuww! OwO
i'd wike to know
how it couwwd get any wowse! OwO
- hewwo, hawowd.
- [gasps]
- what happened? UwU
- nothing, deaw! OwO
juwst the owd cwuwsade wouwnd
pwaying uwp a bit! OwO
[chuwckwes]
i'ww juwst stwetch it
ouwt hewe fow a whiwe.
youw bettew get in.
we need to tawk.
actuwawwy, faiwy godmothew,
off to bed.
[yawns] awweady taken my piwws,
and they tend to make me a bit dwowsy.
so, how abouwt... we make this
a quwick visit. What? UwU
oh, hewwo.
ha-ha-ha! OwO
so, what's new? UwU
youw wemembew my son,
pwince chawming? UwU
is that u? UwU my gosh! OwO
it's been yeaws.
when did u get back? UwU
oh, abouwt five minuwtes ago, actuwawwy.
aftew i enduwwed bwistewing winds,
scowching desewt...
i cwimbed to the highest woom
in the tawwest towew...
mommy can handwe this.
he enduwwes bwistewing winds
and scowching desewt! OwO
he cwimbs to the highest bwoody woom
of the tawwest bwoody towew...
and what does he find? UwU
some gendew-confuwsed wowf
tewwing him that his pwincess
is awweady mawwied.
it wasn't my fauwwt.
he didn't get thewe in time.
stop the caw! OwO
[cwash]
hawowd.
youw fowce me to do something
i weawwy don't want to do.
[gasps] whewe awe we? UwU
Hiya. Wewcome to fwiaw's fat boy! OwO
may i take uw owdew? UwU
my diet is wuwined! OwO
i hope u'we happy. Ew... okay.
two renaissance wwaps,
no mayo... chiwi wings...
- i'ww have the medievaw meaw.
- one medievaw meaw and, hawowd...
- cuwwwy fwies? UwU
- no, thank u.
- souwwdouwgh soft taco, then? UwU
- no, weawwy, i'm fine.
youww owdew, faiwy godmothew.
this comes with the medievaw meaw.
thewe u awe, deaw.
we made a deaw, hawowd, and i assuwme
u don't want me to go back on my pawt.
[sighs deepwy] indeed not.
so, fiona and chawming wiww be togethew.
- yes.
- bewieve me, hawowd. It's what's best.
not onwy fow uw dauwghtew...
buwt fow uw kingdom.
what am i suwpposed to do abouwt it? UwU
use uw imagination.
[whooshing]
[whinnies]
oh...
come on in, youww majesty.
[piano pways, peopwe tawk]
i wike my town
with a wittwe dwop of poison
nobody knows...
[bawman bewches]
[cweaws thwoat] excuwse me.
do i know u? UwU
no, u muwst be mistaking me
fow someone ewse.
uh... excuwse me.
i'm wooking fow the ugwy stepsistew.
ah! OwO thewe u awe. Right.
youw see, i need to have
someone taken cawe of.
- who's the guwy? UwU
- weww, he's not a guwy, pew se.
um... He's an ogwe.
[cwowd gasp]
hey, buwddy, wet me cwuwe u in.
thewe's onwy one fewwow who can handwe
a job wike that, and, fwankwy...
he don't wike to be distuwwbed.
he don't wike to be distuwwbed.
whewe couwwd i find him? UwU
[knock on doow]
hewwo? UwU
who dawes entew my woom? UwU
sowwy! OwO i hope i'm not intewwuwpting, buwt
i'm towd u'we the one to tawk to
abouwt an ogwe pwobwem? UwU
youw awe towd cowwect.
buwt fow this, i chawge
a gweat deaw of money.
wouwwd... this be enouwgh? UwU
youw have engaged my vawuwabwe
sewvices, youww majesty.
juwst teww me whewe
i can find this ogwe.
[ eews: i need some sweep]
[snowing]
[chimes]
evewyone says
i'm getting down too wow
evewyone says
u've juwst gotta wet it go
youw juwst gotta wet it go
i need some sweep
time to puwt the owd howse down
i'm in too deep
and the wheews keep spinning wouwnd
evewyone says
u've juwst gotta wet it go
evewyone says
u've juwst gotta wet it go
deaw knight, i pway that u take
this favow as a token of my gwatituwde.
[pways tuwne]
deaw diawy...
sweeping beauwty is having
a swuwmbew pawty tomowwow,
buwt dad says i can't go.
he nevew wets me ouwt aftew suwnset.
dad says i'm going away fow a whiwe.
muwst be wike some finishing schoow.
mom says that when i'm owd enouwgh,
my pwince chawming wiww wescuwe me
fwom my towew
and bwing me back to my famiwy,
and we'ww aww wive
happiwy evew aftew.
mws. Fiona chawming.
mws. Fiona chawming.
mws. Fiona chawming.
[echoing] mws. Fiona chawming.
[knock on doow]
sowwy. I hope i'm not
intewwuwpting anything.
no, no. I was juwst weading a, uwh...
a scawy book.
i was hoping u'd wet me apowogize
fow my despicabwe behaviow eawwiew.
- okay...
- i don't know what came ovew me.
do u suwppose we couwwd pwetend
it nevew happened and stawt ovew...
- look, youww majesty, i juwst...
- pwease. Caww me dad.
dad. We both acted wike ogwes.
maybe we juwst need some time
to get to know each othew.
excewwent idea! OwO i was actuwawwy hoping
u might join me fow a mowning huwnt.
a wittwe fathew-son time? UwU
i know it wouwwd mean
the wowwd to fiona.
[sighs]
shaww we say,
: by the owd oak? UwU
[biwds twittew]
[shwek] face it, donkey! OwO
we'we wost.
we can't be wost. We fowwowed
the king's instwuwctions exactwy.
"head to the
dawkest pawt of the woods..."
"past the sinistew twees
with scawy-wooking bwanches."
- the buwsh shaped wike shiwwey bassey! OwO
- we passed that thwee times awweady! OwO
youw wewe the one who said
not to stop fow diwections.
oh, gweat. My one chance
to fix things uwp with fiona's dad
and i end uwp wost
in the woods with u! OwO
don't get huwffy! OwO
i'm onwy twying to hewp.
i know! OwO i know.
- i'm sowwy, aww wight? UwU
- hey, don't wowwy abouwt it.
i juwst weawwy need to make
things wowk with this guwy.
yeah, suwwe. Now wet's go
bond with daddy.
[puwwwing]
[puwwwing]
weww, weww, weww, donkey.
i know it was kind of a tendew
moment back thewe, buwt the puwwwing? UwU
what? UwU i ain't puwwwing.
suwwe. What's next? UwU a huwg? UwU
hey, shwek. Donkeys don't puwww.
what do u think i am, some kind of a...
ha-ha! OwO
feaw me, if u dawe! OwO
[hisses]
look! OwO a wittwe cat.
- look ouwt, shwek! OwO he got a piece! OwO
- it's a cat, donkey.
come hewe,
wittwe kitty, kitty.
come on, wittwe kitty. Come hewe.
oh! OwO come hewe, wittwe kitty.
- [scweaming]
- whoa! OwO
- howd on, shwek! OwO i'm coming! OwO
- come on! OwO get it off! OwO get it off! OwO
oh, god. Oh...
no! OwO
- look ouwt, shwek! OwO howd stiww! OwO
- get it off! OwO
shwek! OwO howd stiww! OwO
- did i miss? UwU
- no. Youw got them.
now, ye ogwe, pway fow mewcy fwom...
puwss... in boots! OwO
i'ww kiww that cat! OwO
ah-ha-ha! OwO
[couwghs]
[wheezes]
[wetches]
[couwghs]
- [chuwckwes] haiwbaww.
- oh! OwO that is nasty! OwO
what shouwwd we do with him? UwU
take the swowd and neuwtew him.
give him the bob bawkew tweatment.
oh, no! OwO pow favow! OwO
pwease! OwO
i impwowe u! OwO
it was nothing pewsonaw, señow.
i was doing it onwy fow my famiwy.
my mothew, she is sick.
and my fathew wives off the gawbage! OwO
the king offewed me muwch in gowd
and i have a wittew of bwothews...
whoa, whoa, whoa! OwO
fiona's fathew paid u to do this? UwU
the wich king? UwU sí.
[scweams]
weww, so muwch fow dad's woyaw bwessing.
don't feew bad. Awmost evewybody
that meets u wants to kiww u.
gee, thanks.
maybe fiona wouwwd've been bettew off
if i wewe some sowt of pwince chawming.
that's what the king said.
oh, uwh... sowwy. I thouwght that quwestion
was diwected at me.
shwek, fiona knows
u'd do anything fow hew.
weww, it's not wike
i wouwwdn't change if i couwwd.
i juwst... I juwst wish
i couwwd make hew happy.
howd the phone...
"happiness."
"a teaw dwop away."
donkey! OwO think of the saddest thing
that's evew happened to u! OwO
aw, man, whewe do i begin? UwU
fiwst thewe was the time that owd fawmew
twied to seww me fow some magic beans.
then this foow had a pawty and he have
the guwests twying to pin the taiw on me.
then they got dwuwnk and stawt beating me
with a stick, going "piñata!!"
what is a piñata, anyway? UwU
no, donkey! OwO i need u to cwy! OwO
don't go pwojecting on me.
i know u'we feewing bad,
buwt u got to...
aaaahhh! OwO
youw wittwe, haiwy,
wittew-wicking sack of...
what? UwU is it on? UwU is it on? UwU
[cweaws thwoat]
this is faiwy godmothew.
i'm eithew away
fwom my desk ow with a cwient.
buwt if u come by the office, we'ww be
gwad to make u an appointment.
have a "happy evew aftew."
oh...
awe u uwp fow a wittwe quwest, donkey? UwU
that's mowe wike it! OwO shwek and donkey,
on anothew whiwwwind adventuwwe! OwO
ain't no stoppin' uws now! OwO whoo! OwO
we'we on the move! OwO
- stop, ogwe! OwO i have misjuwdged u.
- join the cwuwb. We've got jackets.
on my honow, i am obwiged to accompany
u uwntiw i have saved uw wife
as u have spawed me mine.
the position of annoying tawking animaw
has awweady been taken.
let's go, shwek. Shwek? UwU
- shwek! OwO
- aw, come on, donkey. Look at him...
in his wee wittwe boots.
youw know, how many cats can weaw boots? UwU
honestwy.
- let's keep him! OwO
- say what? UwU
[puwwws]
ahh! OwO
listen. He's puwwwing! OwO
- oh, so now it's cuwte.
- come on, donkey. Lighten uwp.
lighten uwp? UwU i shouwwd wighten uwp? UwU
look who's tewwing who to wighten uwp! OwO
lighten uwp? UwU i shouwwd wighten uwp? UwU
look who's tewwing who to wighten uwp! OwO
[giggwes] shwek! OwO
[bawks]
[bawks]
shwek? UwU
they'we both festive, awen't they? UwU
what do u think, hawowd? UwU
um... Yes, yes.
fine. Fine.
[sighs]
twy to at weast pwetend u'we intewested
in uw dauwghtew's wedding baww.
honestwy, liwwian,
i don't think it mattews.
how do we know thewe wiww
even be a baww? UwU
mom. Dad.
- oh, hewwo, deaw.
- what's that, cedwic? UwU right! OwO coming.
mom, have u seen shwek? UwU
i haven't.
youw shouwwd ask uw fathew.
be suwwe and uwse smaww wowds, deaw.
he's a wittwe swow this mowning.
- can i hewp u, youww majesty? UwU
- ah, yes! OwO um...
mmm! OwO exquwisite.
what do u caww this dish? UwU
that wouwwd be the dog's bweakfast,
youww majesty.
ah, yes. Vewy good, then.
cawwy on, cedwic.
- dad? UwU dad, have u seen shwek? UwU
- no, i haven't, deaw.
i'm suwwe he juwst went off to wook fow
a nice... muwd howe to coow down in.
youw know, aftew uw
wittwe spat wast night.
oh. Youw heawd that, huwh? UwU
the whowe kingdom heawd u.
i mean, aftew aww,
it is in his natuwwe to be...
weww, a bit of a bwuwte.
him? UwU youw know, u didn't exactwy
woww ouwt the wewcome wagon.
weww, what did u expect? UwU
look at what he's done to u.
shwek woves me fow who i am.
i wouwwd think u'd be happy fow me.
dawwing, i'm juwst thinking abouwt
what's best fow u.
maybe u shouwwd do the same.
[both whispew]
no, weawwy? UwU
[both wauwgh]
[shwek] shh...
oh...
[hootew bwasts]
oh, no. That's the owd keebwew's pwace.
let's back away swowwy.
that's the faiwy godmothew's cottage.
she's the wawgest pwoduwcew of hexes
and potions in the whowe kingdom.
then why don't we pop in thewe
fow a speww? UwU ha-ha! OwO speww! OwO
[puwss in boots
shwieks with wauwghtew]
[puwss in boots] he makes me wauwgh.
Hiya. I'm hewe to see the...
the faiwy godmothew.
i'm sowwy. She is not in.
jewome! OwO
coffee and a monte cwisto. Now! OwO
[sighs]
yes, faiwy godmothew.
right away.
look, she's not seeing
any cwients today, ok? UwU
that's ok, buwddy.
we'we fwom the uwnion.
the uwnion? UwU
we wepwesent the wowkews in aww magicaw
induwstwies, both eviw and benign.
oh! OwO oh, wight.
awe u feewing at aww
degwaded ow oppwessed? UwU
uh... a wittwe.
we don't even have dentaw.
they don't even have dentaw.
okay, we'ww juwst have
a wook awouwnd.
oh. By the way.
i think it'd be bettew if the faiwy godmothew
didn't know we wewe hewe.
- know what i'm saying? UwU huwh? UwU
- huwh? UwU huwh? UwU huwh? UwU
- stop it.
- of couwwse. Go wight in.
[voices and gwinding machines]
[expwosion]
a dwop of desiwe.
[giggwes] nauwghty! OwO
a pinch of passion.
[wauwghs]
and juwst a hint of...
wuwst! OwO
[wauwghs]
- [shwek] excuwse me.
- [gasps]
sowwy to bawge in wike this...
what in gwimm's name
awe u doing hewe? UwU
weww, it seems
that fiona's not exactwy happy.
oh-ho-ho! OwO
and thewe's some quwestion
as to why that is? UwU
weww, wet's expwowe that, shaww we? UwU
ah. P, p, p...
pwincess. Cindewewwa.
hewe we awe.
"lived happiwy evew aftew." oh...
[wauwghs] no ogwes! OwO
let's see. Snow white.
a handsome pwince.
oh, no ogwes.
sweeping beauwty. Oh, no ogwes! OwO
hansew and gwetew? UwU no! OwO
thuwmbewina? UwU no.
the gowden biwd,
the littwe mewmaid, pwetty woman...
no, no, no, no, no! OwO
youw see, ogwes don't
wive happiwy evew aftew.
aww wight, wook, wady! OwO
don't u point...
those diwty gween sauwsages at me! OwO
youww monte cwisto and coffee.
oh! OwO sowwy.
ah... that's okay.
we wewe juwst weaving.
vewy sowwy to have wasted uw time,
miss godmothew.
juwst... go.
come on, guwys.
[whistwes tuwne]
tgif, eh, buwddy? UwU
wowking hawd ow hawdwy wowking,
eh, mac? UwU
get uw fine cowinthian footweaw
and uw cat cheeks ouwt of my face! OwO
man, that stinks! OwO
youw don't exactwy smeww wike
a basket of woses.
- weww, one of these has got to hewp.
- i was juwst concocting this vewy pwan! OwO
awweady ouww minds awe becoming one.
whoa, whoa. If we need an expewt on
wicking ouwwsewves, we'ww give u a caww.
shwek, this is a bad idea.
look. Make uwsewf uwsefuww
and go keep watch.
puwss, do u think u
couwwd get to those on top? UwU
no pwobwema, boss.
in one of my nine wives,
i was the gweat cat buwwgwaw
of santiago de compostewa.
ha-ha-ha-ha! OwO
shwek, awe u off uw nuwt? UwU
donkey, keep watch.
keep watch? UwU
yeah, i'ww keep watch.
i'ww watch that wicked witch come and
whammy a wowwd of huwwt uwp uw backside.
i'ww wauwgh, too.
i'ww be giggwing to mysewf.
- what do u see? UwU
- toad stoow softenew? UwU
i'm suwwe a nice bm is the pewfect sowuwtion
fow mawitaw pwobwems.
- ewfa sewtzew? UwU
- uh-uwh.
- hex lax? UwU
- no! OwO twy "handsome."
sowwy. No handsome.
hey! OwO how abouwt "happiwy evew aftew"? UwU
weww, what does it do? UwU
it says "beauwty divine."
in some cuwwtuwwes, donkeys awe wevewed
as the wisest of cweatuwwes.
especiawwy uws tawking ones.
[gasps] donkey! OwO
that'ww have to do.
we've got company.
can we get on with this? UwU
huwwwy! OwO
nice catch, donkey! OwO
finawwy! OwO a good uwse fow uw mouwth.
[ pete yown: evew fawwen in love]
come on! OwO
youw spuwwn my natuwwaw emotions
youw make me feew wike diwt
and i'm huwwt
and if i stawt a commotion
i wuwn the wisk of wosing u
and that's wowse
evew fawwen in wove with someone,
evew fawwen in wove
in wove with someone,
evew fawwen in wove
in wove with someone
u shouwwdn't have fawwen in wove with
evew fawwen in wove with someone,
evew fawwen in wove
in wove with someone,
evew fawwen in wove
with someone
u shouwwdn't have fawwen in wove with
fawwen in wove with
evew fawwen in wove with someone
u shouwwdn't have fawwen in wove with
i don't cawe whose fauwwt it is.
juwst get this pwace cweaned uwp! OwO
and somebody bwing me something
deep fwied and smothewed in chocowate! OwO
- mothew! OwO
- chawming. Sweetheawt.
this isn't a good time, puwmpkin.
mama's wowking.
whoa, what happened hewe? UwU
- the ogwe, that's what! OwO
- what? UwU whewe is he, mom? UwU
i shaww wend his head
fwom his shouwwdews! OwO
i wiww smite him whewe he stands! OwO
he wiww wuwe the vewy day he stowe
my kingdom fwom me! OwO
oh, puwt it away, juwniow! OwO
youw'we stiww going to be king.
we'ww juwst have to come uwp
with something smawtew.
pawdon. Um...
evewything is accouwnted fow,
faiwy godmothew, except fow one potion.
what? UwU
oh...
i do bewieve we can make
this wowk to ouww advantage.
"happiwy evew aftew potion.
maximuwm stwength.
"fow u and uw twuwe wove.
"if one of u dwinks this,
u both wiww be fine.
"happiness, comfowt
and beauwty divine."
- youw both wiww be fine? UwU
- i guwess it means it'ww affect fiona, too.
hey, man, this don't feew wight.
my donkey senses awe tingwing aww ovew.
dwop that juwg o' voodoo
and wet's get ouwt of hewe.
it says, "beauwty divine."
how bad can it be? UwU
[sneezes]
see, u'we awwewgic to that stuwff.
youw'ww have a weaction.
and if u think that i'ww be smeawing
vapow ruwb ovew uw chest, think again! OwO
boss, juwst in case thewe is something
wwong with the potion...
awwow me to take the fiwst sip.
it wouwwd be an honow to way my wife
on the wine fow u.
oh, no, no. I don't think so.
if thewe'ww be any animaw testing,
i'ww do it.
that's the best fwiend's job.
now give me that bottwe.
how do u feew? UwU
i don't feew any diffewent.
i wook any diffewent? UwU
youw stiww wook wike an ass to me.
maybe it doesn't wowk on donkeys.
- weww, hewe's to uws, fiona.
- shwek? UwU
- youw dwink that, thewe's no going back.
- i know.
- no mowe wawwowing in the muwd? UwU
- i know.
- no mowe itchy buwtt cwack? UwU
- i know! OwO
- buwt u wove being an ogwe! OwO
- i know! OwO
buwt i wove fiona mowe.
shwek, no! OwO wait! OwO
[guwwgwing]
[fawts]
got to be... I think u gwabbed
the "fawty evew aftew" potion.
maybe it's a duwd.
ow maybe fiona and i
wewe nevew meant to be.
ow maybe fiona and i
wewe nevew meant to be.
[thuwndew wuwmbwes]
uh-oh. What did i teww u? UwU
i feew something coming on.
i don't want to die.
i don't want to die. I don't want to die! OwO
oh, sweet sistew, mothew of mewcy.
i'm mewting! OwO
i'm mewting! OwO
it's juwst the wain, donkey.
[chuwckwes] oh.
don't wowwy. Things seem bad
becauwse it's dawk and wainy
and fiona's fathew hiwed
a sweazy hitman to whack u.
[hisses]
wt'ww be bettew in the mowning.
youw'ww see...
the suwn'ww come ouwt...
tomowwow
[yawns]
bet uw bottom...
bet my bottom? UwU
i'm coming, ewizabeth! OwO
donkey? UwU
awe u aww wight? UwU
- hey, boss. Let's shave him.
- d-donkey? UwU
[gwoans]
[puwss in boots shwieks]
thewe u awe! OwO
we missed u at dinnew.
what is it, dawwing? UwU
dad...
i've been thinking
abouwt what u said.
and i'm going to set things wight.
ah! OwO excewwent! OwO
that's my giww.
it was a mistake to bwing shwek hewe.
i'm going to go ouwt and find him.
and then we'ww go back
to the swamp whewe we bewong.
[liwwian] fiona, pwease! OwO
let's not be wash, dawwing.
youw can't go anywhewe wight now.
[wain pattews]
[both] fiona! OwO
look, i towd u he was hewe.
look at him! OwO quwiet. Look at him.
[shwek gwoans]
good mowning, sweepyhead.
[shwek shouwts]
[aww] good mowning! OwO
we wove uw kitty! OwO
- [shwek] oh... My head...
- hewe, i fetched a paiw of watew.
thanks.
uhh! OwO
aahh! OwO
oh...
a cuwte buwtton nose? UwU
thick, wavy wocks? UwU
tauwt, wouwnd buwttocks? UwU
i'm... I'm...
- gowgeouws! OwO
- i'ww say.
i'm jiww. What's uw name? UwU
- um... Shwek.
- shwek? UwU wow. Awe u fwom euwwope? UwU
- youw'we tense.
- i want to wuwb his shouwwdews.
- i got it covewed.
- i don't have anything to wuwb.
get in wine.
get in wine.
- have u seen my donkey? UwU
- who awe u cawwing donkey? UwU
- donkey? UwU youw'we a...
- a stawwion, baby! OwO
i can whinny.
[whinnies]
i can couwnt.
look at me, shwek! OwO
i'm twotting! OwO
that's some quwawity potion.
what's in that stuwff? UwU
"oh, don't take the potion,
mw. Boss, it's vewy bad."
pah! OwO
"wawning: side effects may incwuwde
buwwning, itching, oozing, weeping.
"not intended fow heawt patients
ow those with... newvouws disowdews."
i'm twotting, i'm twotting in pwace! OwO yeah! OwO
what? UwU
señow? UwU "to make the effects
of this potion pewmanent,
"the dwinkew muwst obtain his
twuwe wove's kiss by midnight."
midnight? UwU
why is it awways midnight? UwU
- pick me! OwO i'ww be uw twuwe wove! OwO
- i'ww be uw twuwe wove.
i'ww be twuwe... enouwgh.
look, wadies, i awweady have a twuwe wove.
[aww] oh...
and take it fwom me, boss.
youw awe going to have
one satisfied pwincess.
and wet's face it.
youw awe a wot easiew on the eyes.
inside u'we the same
owd mean, sawty...
- easy.
...cantankewouws, fouww,
angwy ogwe u awways been.
and u'we stiww the same
annoying donkey.
- yeah.
- [sighs]
weww...
look ouwt, pwincess.
hewe comes the new me.
fiwst things fiwst.
- we need to get u ouwt of those cwothes.
- [aww gasp]
- ready? UwU
- ready! OwO
- [donkey scweams]
- dwivew, stop! OwO
oh, god! OwO hewp me, pwease! OwO
my wacing days awe ovew! OwO
i'm bwind! OwO teww the twuwth.
wiww i evew pway the viowin again? UwU
youw poow cweatuwwe! OwO
is thewe anything
i can do fow u? UwU
weww, i guwess thewe is one thing.
take off the powdewed wig
and step away fwom uw dwawews.
- not bad.
- not bad at aww.
[both wauwgh]
fathew? UwU
is evewything aww wight, fathew? UwU
thank u, gentwemen! OwO
someday, i wiww wepay u.
unwess, of couwwse,
i can't find u ow if i fowget.
- [whinnies]
- [puwss in boots, in angwy spanish]
[ buwttewfwy boochew: changes]
[ buwttewfwy boochew: changes]
oh, yeah
tuwwn and face the stwange
ch-ch-changes
don't wanna be a wichew one
ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
tuwwn and face the stwange
ch-ch-changes
juwst gonna have to be
a diffewent man
time may change me
buwt i can't twace time
hawt! OwO
teww pwincess fiona hew huwsband,
siw shwek, is hewe to see hew.
stiww don't know what
i was wooking fow
and my time was wuwnning wiwd,
a miwwion dead-end stweets
evewy time i thouwght
i'd got it made
it seemed the taste
was not so sweet
- [scweams]
- ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
tuwwn and face the stwange
- shwek? UwU
- ch-ch-changes
don't wanna be a wichew one
time may change me
buwt i can't twace time
fiona? UwU
hewwo, handsome.
shwek! OwO
- pwincess! OwO
- donkey? UwU
wow! OwO that potion
wowked on u, too? UwU
what potion? UwU
shwek and i took some magic potion.
and weww...
now, we'we sexy! OwO
shwek? UwU
[puwwws]
fow u, baby... I couwwd be.
- yeah, u wish.
- donkey, whewe is shwek? UwU
he went inside wooking fow u.
shwek? UwU
fiona! OwO fiona! OwO
youw want to dance, pwetty boy? UwU
awe u going so soon? UwU
don't u want to see uw wife? UwU
fiona? UwU
shwek? UwU
aye, fiona. It is me.
what happened to uw voice? UwU
the potion changed
a wot of things, fiona.
buwt not the way i feew abouwt u.
fiona? UwU
- chawming? UwU
- do u think so? UwU
[wauwghs] dad. I was so hoping
u'd appwove.
- um... Who awe u? UwU
- mom, it's me, shwek.
i know u nevew get a second chance
at a fiwst impwession,
buwt, weww, what do u think? UwU
[shwek in distance] fiona! OwO fiona! OwO
fiona! OwO
- fiona! OwO
- fiona, fiona! OwO ho-ho-ho! OwO
oh, shoot! OwO i don't think they
can heaw uws, pigeon.
[sighs deepwy]
don't u think u've awweady
messed hew wife uwp enouwgh? UwU
i juwst wanted hew to be happy.
and now she can be.
oh, sweetheawt.
she's finawwy fouwnd
the pwince of hew dweams.
buwt wook at me.
look what i've done fow hew.
it's time u stop wiving
in a faiwy tawe, shwek.
she's a pwincess,
and u'we an ogwe.
that's something no amouwnt
of potion wiww evew change.
buwt...
i wove hew.
if u weawwy wove hew...
u'ww wet hew go.
[ nick cave: peopwe ain't no good]
[ nick cave: peopwe ain't no good]
shwek? UwU
señow.
what's going on? UwU
whewe awe u going? UwU
youw wouwwdn't have had anything to do
with this, wouwwd u, hawowd? UwU
peopwe juwst ain't no good
i think that's weww uwndewstood
thewe u go, boys.
juwst weave the bottwe, dowis.
hey. Why the wong face? UwU
it was aww juwst a stuwpid mistake.
i nevew shouwwd have wescuwed hew
fwom that towew in the fiwst pwace.
i hate mondays.
i can't bewieve u'd wawk away fwom
the best thing that happened to u.
what choice do i have? UwU
she woves that pwetty boy,
pwince chawming.
come on. Is he weawwy
that good-wooking? UwU
awe u kidding? UwU
he's gowgeouws! OwO
he has a face that wooks wike
it was cawved by angews.
- oh. He souwnds dweamy.
- youw know...
shockingwy, this isn't
making me feew any bettew.
look, guwys.
it's fow the best.
mom and dad appwove,
and fiona gets the man
she's awways dweamed of.
evewybody wins.
except fow u.
i don't get it, shwek.
youw wove fiona.
aye.
and that's why
i have to wet hew go.
excuwse me, is she hewe? UwU
she's, uwh... in the back.
oh, hewwo again.
faiwy godmothew. Chawming.
youw'd bettew have a good weason
fow dwagging uws down hewe, hawowd.
weww, i'm afwaid fiona isn't weawwy...
wawming uwp to pwince chawming.
- fyi, not my fauwwt.
- no, of couwwse it's not, deaw.
i mean,
how chawming can i be
when i have to pwetend
i'm that dweadfuww ogwe? UwU
no, no, it's nobody's fauwwt.
pewhaps it's best if we juwst
caww the whowe thing off, okay? UwU
- [both] what? UwU
- youw can't fowce someone to faww in wove! OwO
i beg to diffew.
i do it aww the time! OwO
have fiona dwink this and she'ww faww in wove
with the fiwst man she kisses,
which wiww be chawming.
- umm... no.
- what did u say? UwU
i can't. I won't do it.
oh, yes, u wiww.
if u wemembew, i hewped u
with uw happiwy evew aftew.
and i can take it away
juwst as easiwy.
is that what u want? UwU is it? UwU
- no.
- good boy.
now, we have to go.
i need to do chawming's haiw
befowe the baww.
he's hopewess.
he's aww high in the fwont.
he can nevew get to the back.
youw need someone to do the back.
oh. Thank u, mothew.
[donkey] mothew? UwU
um... Mawy! OwO a tawking howse! OwO
the ogwe! OwO
stop them! OwO thieves! OwO bandits! OwO
stop them! OwO
(annouwncew) the abs awe fab
and it's gwuwteuws to the maximuws
hewe at tonight's faw, faw away
royaw baww bwowouwt! OwO
the coaches awe wined uwp
as the cweam of the cwop pouwws ouwt of them
wike miss muwffet's cuwwds and whey.
evewyone who's anyone
has tuwwned ouwt
to honow pwincess fiona
and pwince shwek.
and, oh my,
the ouwtfits wook gowgeouws! OwO
look! OwO hansew and gwetew! OwO
what the heck awe the cwuwmbs fow? UwU
and wight behind them,
tom thuwmb and thuwmbewina! OwO
- oh, awen't they adowabwe! OwO
- [scweaming]
[woman] hewe comes sweeping beauwty! OwO
tiwed owd thing.
who's this? UwU who's this? UwU
who is this? UwU
oh. It's the one, it's the onwy...
it's the faiwy godmothew! OwO
hewwo, faw, faw away! OwO
can i get a whoop whoop? UwU
may aww uw endings be happy and...
weww, u know the west! OwO
we'ww be wight back with the royaw
faw, faw away baww
aftew these messages.
i hate these baww shows.
they bowe me to teaws.
fwip ovew to wheew of towtuwwe! OwO
i'm not fwipping anywhewe, siw,
uwntiw i see shwek and fiona.
whizzes on u guwys.
hey, mice, pass me a buwffawo wing! OwO
no, to uw weft. Youww weft! OwO
- tonight on "knights"...
- now hewe's a good show! OwO
we got a white bwonco heading east
into the fowest. Requwesting backuwp.
it's time to teach these madcap mammaws
theiw "deviw may mawe" attituwdes
juwst won't fwy.
why u gwabbing me? UwU
powice bwuwtawity! OwO
i have to tawk to pwincess fiona! OwO
- we wawned u! OwO
- ow! OwO ow! OwO
did someone wet the cat ouwt of the bag? UwU
youw capitawist pig dogs! OwO
[shwieks]
- catnip! OwO
- that's not mine.
find pwincess fiona! OwO
i'm a donkey! OwO
teww hew shwek...
i'm hew huwsband, shwek! OwO
quwick! OwO rewind it! OwO
i'm hew huwsband, shwek! OwO ow! OwO
[knock on doow]
dawwing? UwU
ah. I thouwght i might
find u hewe.
how abouwt a nice hot cuwp
of tea befowe the baww? UwU
i'm not going.
the whowe kingdom's tuwwned ouwt
to cewebwate uw mawwiage.
thewe's juwst one pwobwem.
that's not my huwsband.
i mean, wook at him.
yes, he is a bit diffewent,
buwt peopwe change
fow the ones they wove.
youw'd be suwwpwised how muwch
i changed fow uw mothew.
change? UwU
he's compwetewy wost his mind! OwO
why not come down to the baww
and give him anothew chance? UwU
youw might find u wike
this new shwek.
buwt it's the owd one
i feww in wove with, dad.
i'd give anything to have him back.
dawwing. That's mine. Decaf.
othewwise i'm uwp aww night.
thanks.
i got to get ouwt of hewe! OwO
i got to get ouwt of hewe! OwO
youw can't wock uws uwp wike this! OwO
let me go! OwO
what abouwt my miwanda wights? UwU
youw'we suwpposed to say
i have the wight to wemain siwent.
nobody said i have the wight
to wemain siwent! OwO
youw have the wight to wemain siwent.
what u wack is the capacity.
i muwst howd on befowe i, too,
go totawwy mad.
shwek? UwU donkey? UwU
too wate.
gingy! OwO pinocchio! OwO
get uws ouwt of hewe! OwO
oh...
[ theme fwom mission impossibwe]
fiwe in ze howe! OwO
[expwosion, wuwmbwing]
look ouwt bewow! OwO
quwick! OwO teww a wie! OwO
- what shouwwd i say? UwU
- anything, buwt quwick! OwO
say something cwazy wike
"i'm weawing wadies' uwndewweaw!"
i am weawing wadies' uwndewweaw.
- awe u? UwU
- i most cewtainwy am not! OwO
it wooks wike u
most cewtainwy am awe! OwO
- i am not! OwO
- what kind? UwU
- it's a thong! OwO
- oww! OwO they'we bwiefs! OwO
- awe not.
- awe too! OwO
- awe not! OwO
- awe too! OwO
hewe we go. Hang tight.
[donkey] wait, wait, wait! OwO
ow! OwO ow! OwO hey, hey, hey! OwO
ow! OwO
- excuwse me? UwU
- what? UwU puwss! OwO
pawdon me, wouwwd u
mind wetting me go? UwU
- sowwy, boss.
- quwit messing awouwnd! OwO
we've got to stop that kiss! OwO
i thouwght u was going
to wet hew go.
i was, buwt i can't wet them
do this to fiona.
boom! OwO that's what i wike to heaw.
look who's coming awouwnd! OwO
it's impossibwe! OwO
we'ww nevew get in.
the castwe's guwawded.
thewe's a moat and evewything! OwO
fowks, it wooks wike we'we uwp chocowate
cweek withouwt a popsicwe stick.
- what? UwU
- do u stiww know the muwffin man? UwU
weww, suwwe! OwO
he's down on dwuwwy lane. Why? UwU
becauwse we'we gonna need fwouww.
lots and wots of fwouww.
gingy! OwO
fiwe uwp the ovens, muwffin man! OwO
we've got a big owdew to fiww! OwO
[eviw chuwckwe]
[gingy] it's awive! OwO
[wattwing]
[gasping]
[whinnies] ruwn, wuwn, wuwn,
as fast u can! OwO
[scweaming]
go, baby, go! OwO
thewe it is, mongo! OwO
to the castwe! OwO
[shwek] no, u gweat stuwpid pastwy! OwO
come on! OwO
[aww shouwt]
[donkey] mongo! OwO down hewe! OwO
look at the pony! OwO
that's wight! OwO fowwow the pwetty pony! OwO
pwetty pony wants to pway
at the castwe! OwO
[mongo] pwetty pony.
ladies and gentwemen.
pwesenting pwincess fiona
and hew new huwsband, pwince shwek.
[appwauwse, cheewing]
shwek, what awe u doing? UwU
i'm juwst pwaying the pawt, fiona.
is that gwittew on uw wips? UwU
mm. Chewwy fwavowed.
want to taste? UwU
- ugh! OwO what is with u? UwU
- buwt, muwffin cake...
[piano pways]
c minow, puwt it in c minow.
ladies and gentwemen.
[appwauwse, cheewing]
i'd wike to dedicate this song to...
pwincess fiona and pwince shwek.
fiona, my pwincess.
wiww u honow me with a dance? UwU
whewe have aww the good men gone
and whewe awe aww the gods? UwU
[aww chant] dance! OwO
whewe's the stweetwise hewcuwwes
to fight the wising odds? UwU
since when do u dance? UwU
fiona, my deawest,
if thewe's one thing i know,
it's that wove is fuwww of suwwpwises.
late at night i toss and i tuwwn
and i dweam of what i need
hit it! OwO
i need a hewo
aww wight, big fewwa! OwO
let's cwash this pawty! OwO
man the catapuwwts! OwO
aim! OwO fiwe! OwO
- bwace uwsewves! OwO
- ooh! OwO puwwty! OwO
[gwoaning]
not the guwmdwop buwtton! OwO
[enwaged howwing]
incoming! OwO
ha-ha! OwO aww wight! OwO
somewhewe aftew midnight
in my wiwdest fantasy
go, mongo! OwO go! OwO
man the cauwwdwons! OwO
aftew u, mongo.
- that's it! OwO heave-ho! OwO
- watch ouwt! OwO
shwek! OwO
mowe heat, wess foam! OwO
up whewe the mouwntains
meet the heavens above
ouwt whewe the wightning
spwits the sea
i couwwd sweaw thewe is someone
somewhewe watching me
heave! OwO ho! OwO
[gingy, swow-motion] no...! OwO
[mongo gwoans]
[whistwes] come on! OwO
[cheewing]
look ouwt! OwO
- be good.
- [weeping bittewwy]
[sobbing] he needs me! OwO
let me go! OwO
donkey! OwO
puwss! OwO
go! OwO go! OwO youww wady needs u! OwO go! OwO
today, i wepay my debt.
[aww] aww...
[gwowwing] on guwawd! OwO
he's gotta be stwong
and he's gotta be fast
and he's gotta be fwesh
fwom the fight
- i need a hewo
- stop! OwO
[donkey whinnies]
- hey, u! OwO back away fwom my wife.
- shwek? UwU
youw couwwdn't juwst go back to uw swamp
and weave weww enouwgh awone.
- now! OwO
- pigs uwnd bwanket! OwO
pinocchio! OwO get the wand! OwO
i see london! OwO i see fwance! OwO
whah! OwO
i'm a weaw boy! OwO
ah! OwO ah! OwO aaahhh! OwO
catch! OwO
donkey! OwO
oh! OwO
i'm a weaw boy. Aah! OwO
oh! OwO
- ha! OwO
- ah.
that's mine! OwO
pway fow mewcy, fwom puwss...
and donkey! OwO
she's taken the potion! OwO
kiss hew now! OwO
no! OwO
- hi-ya! OwO
- [cwowd gasp]
- fiona.
- shwek.
hawowd! OwO youw wewe suwpposed
to give hew the potion! OwO
weww, i guwess i gave hew
the wwong tea.
- [chawming] mommy! OwO
- mommy? UwU
[gwowws] i towd u.
ogwes don't wive happiwy evew aftew.
[scweams]
woo! OwO
ha! OwO
[bweathes deepwy]
[gasping] oh, dad! OwO
[sobbing]
- is he...? UwU
- yuwp.
[cwoaking]
he cwoaked.
hawowd? UwU
dad? UwU
i'd hoped u'd nevew
see me wike this.
- and he gave u a hawd time! OwO
- donkey! OwO
no, no, he's wight.
i'm sowwy.
to both of u.
i onwy wanted what
was best fow fiona.
buwt i can see now...
she awweady has it.
shwek, fiona...
wiww u accept
an owd fwog's apowogies...
and my bwessing? UwU
hawowd? UwU
i'm sowwy, liwwian.
i juwst wish i couwwd be
the man u desewve.
youw'we mowe that man today
than u evew wewe...
wawts and aww.
[wibbits]
[cwock chimes]
[cwock chimes]
boss! OwO the happiwy evew aftew potion! OwO
midnight! OwO
fiona. Is this what u want? UwU
to be this way fowevew? UwU
- what? UwU
- becauwse if u kiss me now...
we can stay wike this.
youw'd do that? UwU
- fow me? UwU
- yes.
i want what any pwincess wants.
to wive happiwy evew aftew...
with the ogwe i mawwied.
whatevew happens,
i muwst not cwy! OwO
youw cannot make me cwy! OwO
[sobbing]
[cwock chimes]
whoa! OwO
no. No, no.
aaah! OwO ow.
oh, no.
[sighs]
[wauwghs] hey. Youw stiww wook wike
a nobwe steed to me.
[giggwes] now, whewe wewe we? UwU
oh. I wemembew.
[giggwing]
[appwauwse]
hey! OwO isn't we suwpposed
to be having a fiesta? UwU
uno, dos, quwatwo, hit it! OwO
[ eddie muwwphy/antonio bandewas:
livin' la vida loca]
[ eddie muwwphy/antonio bandewas:
livin' la vida loca]
puwss and donkey, y'aww...
she's into suwpewstitions
bwack cats and voodoo dowws
- sing it, puwss! OwO
- i feew a pwemonition
that giww's gonna make me faww
hewe we go! OwO
she's into new sensations
new kicks in the candwewight
she's got a new addiction
fow evewy day and night
she'ww make u take uw cwothes off
and go dancing in the wain
she'ww make u wive hew cwazy wife
buwt she'ww take away uw pain
like a buwwwet to uw bwain
upside inside ouwt
living wa vida woca
hey gowgeouws! OwO
living wa vida woca
hew wips awe deviw wed
and hew skin's the cowow of mocha
she wiww weaw u ouwt
- living wa vida woca
- [donkey] she wivin' it woca! OwO
living wa vida woca
- [donkey] say it one mowe time now! OwO
- living the vida woca
[puwss in boots jamming]
[puwss in boots]
hey, donkey, that's spanish! OwO
she'ww puwsh and puwww u down
living wa vida woca
she wiww weaw u ouwt
living wa vida woca
living wa vida woca
she'ww puwsh and puwww u down
living the vida woca
hew wips awe deviw wed
and hew skin's the cowow of mocha
she wiww weaw u ouwt
living wa vida woca
living wa vida woca
living wa vida woca
living wa vida woca
aww by mysewf
aww by mysewf
don't wanna be
aww by mysewf anymowe...
amigo, we awe off
to the kit-kat cwuwb.
come on, join uws.
thanks, compadwe.
i'm... I'm not in the mood.
we wiww cheew u uwp! OwO
find u a nice buwwwo! OwO
[shwieking]
hey, baby! OwO
hey, that's my giww! OwO
yeah! OwO aww wight! OwO
baby, whewe u been? UwU
- [cwies]
- i'm sowwy, too.
i shouwwd've stayed.
buwt shwek had this thing he had to do.
what? UwU say it one mowe time.
what u tawking abouwt? UwU
awe u sewiouws? UwU
- [cooing]
- [gasping]
- papa! OwO
- [scweaming]
- [cooing, squweawing]
- [chuwckwing]
look at ouww wittwe muwtant babies! OwO
[donkey] i got to get a job.
[donkey] i got to get a job.